After going through the normal flip out and that my dating life would now consist of Ben and Jerry’s and DVD’s every Saturday night, I’m ready to get out there again.I have seen men post on various dating sites where they come right out on their profile stating they have herpes.I have many reasons for engaging in this kind of relationship (a very long story) but believe me, it's not my long term choice.I want an exclusive and totally loving relationship with a man who adores me and I him.But, now that I have this virus, and I am fully aware of the impact it has had on my body (I've had painful symptoms non-stop for months!), my question is, how can I possibly put anyone that I love and care about in this position?I always just told myself.."you can never have a girlfriend". I had more opportunities where girls came into my life, whether it be through brothers setting me up or girls that would approach.The more female interaction I have, the more I realise what "im missing out on". Everyone around me has noticed I'm growing into a different person. I met a girl a couple weeks ago that works closely with my brother, she's amazing and beautiful.
I've given myself to very few men over the years, and one of these very few men (who happens to be married, but we are in an open relationship together with his wife's consent, we are essentially "friends with benefits"); well, he was someone that I've always believed cared for me. And what makes this whole situation even worse is that he TOLD me he had it and I didn't take any precautions to protect myself. I've even told my friends that "he didn't know he had it" because I can't even admit to myself that I didn't look out for myself the way I should have.Yesterday, my girlfriend received test results from her gyno appointment. We've been dating for 5 months, probably have sex about 3 times a week on average. I believe her when she says she didn't know she had it, else why come clean now. She apparently requested a full battery of tests, to try and fully ease my mind as we discussed my worries in the past and she was confident she didn't have anything. Dear Colette, my question is a bit "heavy" and I hope you are willing to help me with it, because it is totally messing with my body, my heart, my head, with my confidence, with my ability to believe that it's possible for anyone to ever love me again, or ever want to risk being with me because of the physical and psychological impact.I wish it weren't true, but I have contracted the virus for genital herpes.